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[Feb0207] |
 this is the sound of the hopeless kids as they scream from the basements of the houses of their parents; and this is the sound of the hopeless ones as they stare down at their books and realize they have been lied to.
ninetten-years-old. happy. easily amused. messy room, messy car, messy life. broke. the house scattergories champ. grew up in western kansas. farts and picks nose. drinks too much soda. writes in a real journal more than this one. recently quit smoking. has a kidney/adrenal gland disease. ridiculous. talks about bj's more than the average girl. in love. doesn't shower much. wants to go on tour. takes everything too seriously or not seriously enough. would rather get hurt than hurt other people. listens to too much music. thinks like a boy. gets drunk on christmas. still sits at the kids table. is most alive during the summer. laughs at nearly everything. gets cold easily. doesn't look like a single family member at all. has no more than five good friends who live within 100 miles. polite. judgemental. has changed drastically in the past year.
i dream of: a simple, comfortable life. a house with a porch with a porch swing and green grass and daisies in the garden and a hammock in the backyard and gigantic, old oaks towering above my head. eternal summer. a return to the small-town life. a new arrangement. better eyesight. safety. all the time in the world. being published. teaching high school english and being the teacher that the students don't hate. new kidneys. feeling my age. settling down.
i am not better than you. or anyone. and never will be.
(and who gives a shit.)
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